That feeling of doom and anxiety that has followed me like a creepy shadow for the last 14 years really made it's presence known that morning. It's name is Panic Attack. I've had it along with Mr. Vertigo since I was a teenager. Two constants that have made my life difficult and burdensome at times.
I haven't felt like this in months, so why now? Maybe it was because I was getting ready to jump off that theoretical cliff of lost hope. Why was I so scared to leave this cliff full of toil and unhappiness? I guess jumping from one insecurity to dive head first into another kind of uncertainty is cause for panic. Well, I did it without second thought and made the biggest belly flop of the century.
This theoretical jump is referring to the fact that I just quit my job to start a jewelry business. It was the kind of job that paid just the bills and rent - nothing else - only to take my life in return. I won't play with the devil if I'm going to be on the losing end. My life isn't for sale nor is it to compromise with; maybe that belly flop was worth it.